We've all been there. That one (or many) guy or girl who hooked us in, doing all the right things at first or for a while, just to throw us for a loop and break out hearts in the end. Whether it was for two months or two years, the pain is the same. So, how do you get past a devastating breakup? I'm here to dish it to you.
Delete. Unfollow. Block.
I know our first instinct after a breakup is to online stalk their every move in an attempt to form some semblance of an idea that they're just as miserable as we are - but, pro tip: no one posts themselves crying on Instagram, so you're probably not going to get the satisfaction you're looking for.
While it may be a hard first step, deleting, unfollowing, or even blocking them is an essential first step to moving on. Without this, we're constantly on edge about what he's posting, what he's doing, and when he's online, and frankly, driving ourselves insane! (and wasting way too much energy - negative energy I might add). Do yourself a favor and cut the cord from the get-go.
While reflecting on your relationship may be painful, this is the key ingredient to healing - letting ourselves feel and process our emotions unapologetically. And, contrary to what you may think I'll tell you, don't only think about the negative aspects. Think about what you gained from the relationship too! Can you name some things? Doing this practice will help you identify what gave you joy, how you grew, what you learned, etc. therefore allowing you to think about how you can replicate those things/feelings without the relationship. Because, news flash: that person is not the only source of those things. Finding them on your own will not only aid in your healing process, but also gives you further independence to provide yourself your own joy/pleasure/growth.
Listen to Affirmations
When we're going through a breakup, sometimes we feel as though we aren't good enough, not worthy enough, and that we just couldn't measure up. This is where we need to retrain our brains to get us back on the self-loving course we're meant to be on. And, what better way to do that than with affirmations? While some may be skeptical that saying these really work, I'm here to provide a twist.
With the app called ThinkUp (not an ad), you can record yourself saying any three affirmations that feel the most relevant to you (for free), and it will put it to meditative music. It is recommended to listen to these affirmations for 15 minutes when you're getting ready for the day, and 15 minutes when you're getting ready for bed at night. This truly rewires our brains as we aren't just reading someone else's words, or listening to a stranger ramble about what sounds like fortune-cookie sayings - we're hearing exactly what we need to hear and from us. Our voice is powerful - try it out! What do you have to lose?
Write a Letter
We've all heard the advice "write a letter and don't send it", but like…actually do this. You'll be able to release all your pent-up emotions and thoughts that you haven't been able to express with zero consequences.
You broke up for a reason - that's a fact. But, writing this "fake" letter allows you to move through the process of grieving without all of the anger, tears, and high-blood pressure you probably experienced during the actual breakup. While not everyone receives "closure", writing a letter like this allows you to create your own form of closure. And, how empowering is that?
Give Yourself Time
When we feel co-dependent on others for happiness, security, etc., we may tend to jump from relationship to relationship. And, while you may meet someone great tomorrow, allow yourself the time you need to fully grieve this loss - and, this looks different for everyone! And regardless of your dating status, time truly does heal all - so, give yourself it!
Live Your Life
Go out with friends. Get a new hobby. Go to the gym. (ever heard of revenge body?) What we tend to forget is, after a breakup, we as women are dedicated to leveling up. We do the healing work, we process our feelings, we throw ourselves into our career, etc. When we are faced with adversity, we always rise.
Are you going through a breakup? Are you looking for support? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to sign up for 1:1 coaching sessions. Happy healing!