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  • Writer's pictureSelena Frongillo

Do We Really Ever Change?

There are times in our lives when we may have been told, "you've changed". Old friends, family, and peers see what they deem a different version of us, as though we've shed our skin from the past and grown anew.

It is a classic debate: do we really ever change? While there are certain characteristics that are innate in us, I believe that even the things that are so deeply engrained in us can be morphed - if we let them.

I have expressed before that we are ever-changing beings. We certainly aren't the same person we were at three, twelve, or 21. With each stage of our lives, a new "us" is born.

Let's pause there for a second - how great is it that we are always growing? With each passing day, we are ingesting new information, encountering new experiences, and shaping who we are and who we want to become.

There is no limit to our growth, but they key is, with maximum growth comes maximum effort. Sure, we can go along our lives doing the bare minimum, and our biology and mindset can morph and change depending on our circumstances.

But, I'm talking big change. Is it possible to change our belief systems? Is it possible to re-wire our brains to think completely new thoughts? Can we leave your old selves completely in the dust?

While we may not want to change everything about us, change is good, because it means we are learning. To go through any big change, means getting uncomfortable first. When we do the uncomfortable work on the things about ourselves that are maybe less than dazzling, we open the door for change.

Will a cheater always be a cheater? Is an inmate deemed evil for life? Will we harbor ill will towards our ex forever?

There are questions we must ask ourselves - when have we changed? Are we capable of change again? When we reflect on our own lives and our own journeys of change, we may see that our judgments of others may be lessened, as we realize change is possible for all - even those who we may think it may be impossible for.

They second key? We have to want to.

There will be no notable change or growth without our fervent desire. We have the choice to stay stagnant, or to expand our minds. We have the choice to change course in the middle of our journey, go off-roading and find people and experiences we never imagined possible. We have the choice to break unhealthy patterns and start over.

While small changes are inevitable, big changes are a choice. This means looking inwards, having the uncomfortable conversations, feeling your emotions, and learning better ways of coping, communicating, and living. Choose the big changes and receive a beautiful transformation that is sure to bring you a life of more fulfillment.

Are you ready for some life altering change? As a women empowerment life coach, I'm ready to tackle your battles with you! I am currently offering free one-on-one sessions which won't last for long, so email me at to sign up. Happy changing!

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