• Selena Frongillo

Learning How to Surrender


Surrender: it can be defined as "giv[ing] up possession of or power over; yield[ing] to another on demand or compulsion" (collinsdictionary.com). While we may have been taught at a young age to "surrender" to the rules and direction of our parents instead of fighting them tooth and nail, many of us have not been taught how to surrender similarly to the universe.

As a society, we expect our young to have their life trajectory mapped out early on. We are expected to determine our career path at the age of 18, who we want to marry by 30, and, let's face it, many of us (women in particular) have a list of baby names in our phones by the time we're even teenagers.

Society says: figure it out and fast. We're expected to craft a plan that launches from adolescence right up to the day we die. But, there are so many factors that go against this notion.


  1. We're constantly changing - how can we have a set plan for the rest of our lives when we could be a different person tomorrow? In an hour? In the next 20 seconds?

  2. We learn through our experiences - we have to live in order to figure out what's right for us. We don't know until we try it!

  3. There needs to be wiggle room - relationships fail, we fall out of love with a job, we find out we can't have kids. What then? We need to be able to adapt and alter our "plan" as we go.


We can have a plan all we want from day 1 to day 8,614. But the truth is, the universe has a plan for us that is so much greater than anything we could have ever even dreamed up for ourselves. We've all heard the saying "the universe has your back," right? Well, what if it actually did? The universe has a way of steering us away from making decisions that don't serve our highest selves by blocking things that aren't meant for us.

For example, applying to jobs for months and getting ghosted or straight up rejected. Guess what? Although we may question ourselves and the rejection may sting for a bit, rejection is divine redirection.

When we try to force things in our life to "stay on the path" towards our made-up plan, we're continuing to block ourselves from what is meant for us. We're stuck because we're choosing to be stuck. It's actually a choice - everything in this life is about choices. One day we'll run out of time for these choices, so it is absolutely imperative that we make them wisely - and this means, choosing to surrender.

So, how do we freaking do that?

Pay Attention to What Lights You Up

When was the last time you were excited? What got you excited? What were you doing? The things that excite us are connected to our purpose - they bring us joy, they make us feel inspired and fulfilled, they bring meaning to our existence.

Cut Chords with Force

Force is the enemy of flow. Take a look at what is working in your life and what isn't. What are you trying to force and what has come naturally? What is different about the things that are working? How can you channel that into what isn't?

Change Your Mindset

Ow, this one is hard! But, we must let go of how we think our life should be and settle into what is. We must allow ourselves to be in the mess, as with the mess, comes clarity. When we re-align with what feeds our souls, the universe kicks in to help us along the way. We don't need to know how we'll get somewhere, we just need to have faith that we will.

Trust Your Intuition

Also a hard one, but an essential one. Our intuition is here to guide us. When we get a gut feeling yes or no, we must listen and act on it regardless if it makes "logical" sense. This instinct is ingrained in us for survival. And not only to survive, but to thrive.

Get Comfortable in the Unknown

We're not supposed to have all the answers - that's why we're here, to learn and figure things out along the way. Hello, that's the point! Our desires will most likely shift over time; that is the human experience. But if you want it, it's already yours. Your desires are on your heart for a reason, as they are meant for you. They are connected to your purpose. Follow them.


When we put our trust in the universe, a whole new reality unfolds for us. So ditch the plan and prepare to receive something even greater.


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