• Selena Frongillo

Yes, No, Maybe So?

Updated: Jan 21


silhouette of girl at sunset

Welcome back to The Shower Thoughts Series! Happy FALL - the leaves are changing (at least here in New England), the temps are dropping, an election is approaching. Talk about some change! I've had a lot of big changes myself, as I have recently started a new job, and moved into a new (and my FIRST) apartment. Exciting shifts all around!


For those new here, welcome and thanks for joining my pride and joy, spewing my shower thoughts in the hopes that something sticks with another soul who can relate. For those joining me yet again, thanks for being here as always!


Today I want to dive into a topic that is so near and dear to my heart (as these all are) - women feeling incapable of asking for what they want, and, many of us, (being the people pleasing species we are) feeling as though we can never say no.


Let's unpack this a bit. As women, it is no secret that we have been silenced, oppressed, and subject to unfair and unequal treatment for generations. It’s ingrained in many of us - this need to obey, to be a “good girl”, to be classy, to be a proper lady. And, what has a proper lady always entailed?: doing what we’re told. Find a husband, make him happy, have kids, cook, clean, fold the laundry. That was the To Do list for so many women before us. And this is not to bash this To Do list, if this is what you want for your life. But it is to bash this list if these are the expectations set for us without us having a say in it.


It is ingrained in many of us to keep quiet - to hesitate to speak up, to find it foreign to take control of your life for what you want it to be. And, hell, do we even know what we want it to be? Have we even ever been asked this question?


For some, the answer is yes. For others, there are people in our lives who have dictated what we say, think, and feel, and that’s the end of it. So, a big reason we may struggle with asking for what we want, is we’ve never been taught to exercise that right. This is the first step - do you want popcorn or chocolate cake? It’s your choice. Do you want to watch a mystery or a comedy? It’s your choice. A key to realizing our true desires is to put them into practice in even the simplest circumstances. The more you decide things for yourself, the more you can understand both who you want to be and what you want your life to look like.


However, when we are presented with choices, it is difficult for many women to choose what they want - regardless if they know what that is or not. And, why is that you may ask? Because we care about others. We often care about others much more than ourselves, which is to a fault. We think we’ll seem too overbearing or too high maintenance or too opinionated for asking for what we want instead of going along with whatever other people want. Again, this is ingrained in us. Generations of women before us never had a choice, but we are lucky enough to live in a generation in which we are breaking free from those barriers - we just need to learn how to.


So, make the choice! Do you want it? Have it! Does it disrupt your peace? Leave it! We care tenfold about everyone's opinions of how we want to live our lives and the decisions we make along the way - shouldn't we be caring about what we want? Shouldn't we be demanding the life we want to live? Shouldn't we be rejecting anything or anyone that goes against that dream? So, say yes, say no, and quit it with the "maybe-so".


Thanks so much for reading, please subscribe, follow me on Instagram at @showerthoughtsseries and I will see you in my next post!

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