• Selena Frongillo

Digging Yourself Out from Disappointment


Emotions are like the ocean. They come in waves, they ebb and flow based on our environment or surroundings. But, how do we control these feelings that, at times, can swiftly pull us under, leaving us desperately gasping for air? How do we control something that seems so...uncontrollable? So wild and untamed that seems to manipulate us as though we are puppets?


While we're certainly not seeking to mess with our positive emotions, we'd be lying if we said we didn't want to minimize or remove our negative ones completely. We know these are "necessary" to make us appreciate our joyful, exciting, loving times, but that doesn't stop us from wishing these ferocious beasts away for good.


One emotion that holds weight for many of us is disappointment. This word is defined as, "sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations." Oof...our expectations, failing us yet again. So, our first thought may be, "duh, I need to lower my expectations to the floor." Sure, this would be great if we all could just snap our fingers and not expect anything from anyone or anything. But, for many of us, this is much easier said than done.


It's normal to expect things from people, or foresee a situation going a certain way. Some of us (women especially) tend to live with rose-colored glasses, which is the exact recipe to set us up for disappointment. So, how do we stop?


Scream, shout, let it all out

If you're currently or recently got slapped with a disappointment that shook you to your core, you best be getting that emotion right out of your body - ASAP. Grab the pillow, go to an emergency boxing class, hug your dog - whatever you need to do, let the negativity and your expectations be released. Bottling this up is only going to prolong the feeling, and is not the way to kick this devilish emotion to the curb.


Self love, baby

Now that you've gotten that out of the way, it's time to reflect a bit. You really wanted the job that just rejected you. You saw an entire future with the guy who just up and ghosted you. You gave your best audition but didn't get the part. Whatever it is, you're left feeling this sense of "I wasn't good enough". But, this in fact, could not be further from the truth.


When we receive rejection in our lives, we immediately look inwards and try to identify exactly what's wrong with us. Was I not smart enough? Not pretty enough? What can I change about myself so that I don't get rejected in the future?


But, we're asking ourselves the wrong questions. What we fail to realize in the early stages of disappointment is that it's really not that personal. That job, that person, that opportunity, was just not meant for us. This doesn't mean we are "less than" in any way, but just that it wasn't the right match. They're apples, we're oranges. Both delicious fruits, but maybe not the best combination in a pie.


Thought leader Bryant McGill said, “Rejection is merely a redirection; a course correction to your destiny.” The truth is, we aren't the right fit for every job out there, we aren't every potential romantic partner's cup of tea, and we aren't the best person for every role we audition for. If we were, we would have hundreds of jobs, romantic partners, and roles! And, what's special about that? Love yourself for who you are, and what you bring to the table and say, see ya later to anyone who thinks otherwise.


Flip it On its Head

As women especially, we love to romanticize people and opportunities before we even know much about them. We concoct an idea of how they can be in our heads, when they rarely live up to our imagination. This hurts us even more when we get disappointed, because we tend to focus on how amazing it "could've been". But, what if we flipped that? What if you actually ended up hating that job? What if that guy ended up treating you horribly? When we get rejected, we need to stop thinking that we are the one losing out. If it's not for us, then how could it really be so great?


So feel all your feels and then remember who the heck you are. Whatever has disappointed you, isn't meant for you, and there are better people and opportunities on their way. See you in my next post!


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