• Selena Frongillo

The Breakup Guide...for the Guy You Never Dated

Updated: Jan 21


girl at sunset

Hellooo to my Shower Thoughts readers! Thanks for tuning into this weeks’ shower thought - how to get over the guy you never dated. Okay, some of you older generation readers, may be thinking, “What? Why would you need advice on how to get over a guy you never even dated?” Well, welcome to 21st century dating! Where none of us actually date each other, we just “talk” for three days via Snapchat, maybe hang out or go on an actual “date” if we’re super lucky, then never hear from the guy again. Poof, disappear, gone - absolute ghost town.


This is what many of us single women deal with on a weekly, or monthly basis from guy after guy. Whether it be from a dating app, a friend of a friend, your mom trying to set you up with her girl friend’s nephew - it doesn’t matter, much of it is the same. We talk to a guy for a short amount of time, and rarely does anything ever come of it. Or even worse, we talk to a guy for months and still nothing comes of it.


So, this post is to the girls who have talked to a guy - let’s say for more than a month or two (congrats, that’s more than many!) and then he goes ghost, or things just fizzle, and it’s over. You are crushed like a baseball bat right to the gut. “But you didn’t even date!” News flash, this is dating. Yes, it’s sad to say, but long term relationships are few and far between these days, and this has become our new norm.


SO, what do we do? How do we cope? First thing’s first. Remember who you are - a woman who needs no man. I don’t care who you are, if you are a woman, you are absolutely whole and brilliant on your own. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.


Second: remember that this isn’t personal. I know, you’re like, “okay he ghosted me. There’s obviously something wrong with me.” Nope, wrong. First of all, why would you want a man who ducks out without even the courtesy to say he’s just not that into you anyways? What many of us forget is: this. is. dating. Do I need to say it any louder? Do not take a guy not wanting to date you so personally. You don’t know what’s in his head - maybe he’s not over his ex, maybe he doesn’t want to be tied down, maybe he’s always on the road and wouldn’t be able to put enough energy into a relationship. Either way, he’s not it, sis. Don’t cry over a guy who won’t or can’t give you what you deserve.


Third: Okay, maybe cry if you must. Let it out, but not for long. While it can be a double-edged sword, we have access to get to know so many people these days with dating apps, and even just social media. So while this can make dating harder with there being endless options, it can make the so-called “breakup” process a little better, as you realize there actually are so many fish in the sea.


Fourth: Stop stalking him on social media. Stop searching to see if he liked your recent insta or saw your snap story. Stop scrolling through his profile and reminiscing on old texts. Out of sight, out of mind, delete, erase, thank you next (sorry, I had to).


Fifth: Be happy without him. I’m not talking about posting all of the fun things you’re doing on your stories to make him think you’re having a blast with all of your other friends and guys in your life (although you’ll probably do that), I’m talking about actually being happy. Remember that life before him existed and you survived, and that there will be another guy that comes along (to ruin your life) before you know it!


To sum it up, to make it in the 21st century dating world, you basically gotta brush it off, take it for what it was, remember who you are, and move on to the next (when you’re ready). And another thing: let things happen naturally. (ok I know that’s not so easy these days - we’re searching, and swiping, and dm’ing). But maybe chill a little with the searching and let things come to you for a change. I hope all of you going through a “breakup” right now found any of these little tips helpful, and please be sure to subscribe and catch me in my next post!

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